Another great article from Salon. This columnist, Cary Tennis, writes about all kinds of life issues. I don’t always agree with him, but find him to be humorous and intelligent.

This particular one features the confused cry of a young man attracted to women. Huh? Seems like attraction is something we all have to deal with on some level.

I must admit though, I feel for him. What is this thing that attracts us so deeply, so primally, so sexually? How could it take us so far out of our heads, our regular selves? How could we succumb to outright lust? And really, why does attraction happen? Surprising, uncontrollable, there-it-is, I am attracted to you.

I guess you should go read the column to understand what I’m talking about. I’ve enclosed the question and the beginning of his answer to get you started:

I am a 28-year-old man who is attracted to women, especially to those in my age group. I have been trying to come to terms with this attraction since my early teens. This issue had not bothered me significantly through my teens, but the problem has been worsening over the years. I have been in therapy twice a week (group and one-on-one) for several years now, but I still cannot come to terms with these feelings.

Over the years I’ve had several platonic friendships with women, and have been able to see beyond my physical and emotional desires for them. However, I lately find it increasingly difficult to interact rationally when I first meet a beautiful woman. Over the years, I have taken to indulging in masturbating to pornographic images a few times a week, but I find this behavior shameful and despicable. I often wonder why I am cursed with such feelings, and have grown to hate myself. Could you recommend a solution to this problem?

Attracted to Women

Dear Attracted to Women,

First, my friend: You are not alone. Living in secret, exchanging furtive glances of desire, it is easy to feel that you are alone. But many men have felt as you do and eventually found that they could live happily, sometimes even in the open, with a woman.

The second thing you must understand is that this attraction, however strange it may feel to you, this is not your fault. You were likely born this way… (continue)

You’re doing it anyway. Every day. Every hour. Every second. You see the colors, the movement. You hear voices, footsteps, wind. You feel the texture of your clothes or the air on your skin. Taste your saliva, the lingering flavors of your last meal. Smell flowers, food.

Your senses are active all the time, flooding you with information that is most often ignored. And sometimes, it needs to be. You need to filter those things out to allow your mind to focus. Maybe. Even as I’m writing, I notice the pads of my hands resting on the keyboard, the clack of the keys. It’s like accompaniment to the experience of writing, of being in this moment.

But for an hour every day, imagine that accompaniment as the foreground of your life. An entire hour of deep sensual experience. Perhaps do it during lunch, noticing the flavors of every morsel, the speed of your bites, the textures of voices, the temperature of your silverware.

Perhaps try it the next time you make love. Indulge in the sensations in your hands and arms and legs and feet, see the color of your lover’s eyes. Or try it on a long walk, taking everything in through the senses, letting the thoughts that usually distract you fade in favor of feeling your weight shift on your foot as you step. 

And, as you get better, try noticing in times not so obviously sensual. Like at work, or the grocery store, or watching TV. Yet, even those things, once you think about it, are filled with input from all your senses.

Simply notice. Even for 15 minutes to start. Remember: You don’t have to do anything different. This doesn’t have to take any extra time from your day. Just shift the way you perceive things for a few minutes - or an hour. And after awhile, you’ll also notice how your perception broadens, how your curiosity sharpens, how delicious every moment can be.