I have always had a difficulty with forced gratitude. That Thanksgiving tradition, when everyone expresses something that they are grateful for, was always hard for me. I felt like such things should flow from the moment, spontaneous outpourings of emotion. And yet, when I really allow myself to feel and express my appreciation, in spite of being asked, I feel it deeply - as if the cells in my chest swell up with joy and sing.

The thing is, gratitude has the power to change your perspective instantly. Imagine, in the middle of a bad day, you start thinking of all the people and things that you love in your life. Not only thinking it, but feeling through your body and your being. In my experience, it makes everything seem softer and much easier to deal with. I often get other great ideas in that moment to change things even further.  

Here’s an example: I remember a time, in my late teens, when my dad had just reprimanded me and all my siblings – then had gone up to his room. We (the kids) sat stewing, angry about the injustice of it all, cursing parents and everything they didn’t understand – would NEVER understand. And in the back of my mind, I knew that my dad was having a really bad day. Maybe even a bad week. And this sneaky little thought came to mind – He really is a great dad.

Humph. I thought in return. I was enjoying the anger. I didn’t want to admit anything of the sort. Unfortunately for my anger, the thought remained.

So, with a bit more internal struggle, I told my siblings. “I think he’s actually a good dad. And, I think we should go tell him.”

They were stunned. But, with a bit of persuasion, we trekked upstairs, knocked at the door, and told him. It was sooo hard – I still wanted to be angry. But with that, the entire day changed. The angry storm of resentment yielded to blue skies and lighter spirits. And to this day, I can still feel how hard that was and how much better it felt when I was done.

I still have trouble with that level of expressing gratitude, and honestly, I don’t think it is always necessary to get those feeling out in the open. Sometimes, we just have to remember the beautiful life we have to change a tough moment.

Try this: Think of something you are grateful for. Imagine that appreciation sweeping through your mind, your life, and every cell in your body. Notice how it feels, and relish it for awhile. Now that you know what it feels like, practice until it becomes easier to feel. Then, on that tough day, in that difficult moment, bring out the gratitude…

Happy Holidays,
Ephraim

P.S. I’m back at the Examiner! You’ll see a repeat between the two sites … though we’ll see over time if variations emerge.

I am amazed by the human body.

Most of the time, it seems that people don’t really think about it. And if they do, it’s during one of those moments when life and health feel so fragile. Take my wife’s broken back - the reason I have been gone so long from writing. For 8 weeks, she moved around with the help of a walker, couldn’t drive, barely slept despite the pain medications. Her companions were ice packs and caregivers. Progress was there, but dreadfully slow.

And then she woke up one day and felt better. Suddenly, the pain was more of an ache, if it was there at all. She moved faster, could drive around, take a walk around the block. The world opened with possibilities. We had both recovered from major trauma.

I thought of all the times I had been sick and had a similar experience, that sudden shift when I woke from death’s door (or so it felt), and knew I was on the road to recovery. I thought of the fat lip I got sparring last week - and how within an hour the swelling had faded and by the end of the day it was gone.

We humans aren’t quite so fragile. Sure there are cuts and scrapes and breaks and illnesses in this life. There is anger and heartbreak and sorrow. Isn’t it amazing that most of the time, we recover? And even when we have the misfortune of a long term illness, how somehow, we resiliently live and even love?

Truly, it is miraculous.

I wish you health, joy and miracles.